1 State, 2 State, Red State, Blue State.

I keep reading about how we are really a Blue Country but are being blind sided into believing we are red. What with the lack of back bone from the truly liberal movement and apathy at an all time high I might believe it. I know better though. It's not red and blue; noting ever is this or that. Mix some red and blue and you get the brown area. Yep we are in the shit and its all our fault. We have been asleep and uninvolved and we deserve the brown that we are currently wading through. Everyone keeps saying where is the money going to come from that is needed to fix where we are? You know the answer..... YOU.

I know why we are pissed by that answer also. Major corporations have stolen our money and blown it at the race track in get rich quick schemes and we are handed pails to clean up their brown. Health Care has been bleeding Americans dry for ever and now when we see the problem we still get only the slightest improvement. (An improvement if your an insurance company). Bigotry and hatred have combined to create fascist laws against gays in many "liberal" states. The state can't pay for ADAP and yet there seems to be room to pay for lots of press secretaries and still not raise taxes on the rich. Yep Its been a year of change and this is what post Bush has left us with. Ineffectual government that still cares noting about the people and only about the bottom line and we have to pay for their gross spending and back room deals. However if people are the government then we are just as responsible for what has happened to our city, our state and our country.

We as environs in San Francisco have watched as our city has become a playground for trust funds and condo owners while squashing the creative and underground scene. "What about the children?"; we hear it all the time. Myself; and most of my friends; were thrown out of your suburban safety nets and sought refuge and community here in this city. It became a refuge where we could gather and create and find family. We are not leaving without an fight and were not going to let an entertainment commission, drunk on it's own power, destroy the world we have worked to create. We am not going to stand silent while our places are taken from us by selfish condo owners who move next to bars and whine until they get their way! That person who moved next to the Cinch and started complaining was only there for one year or less and the Cinch has been a bar SINCE ITS INCEPTION! Anyone who has seen the place in the day knows how old it is! Yet one selfish person can complain and because she has money and isn't a degenerate gay dictates the actions taken. If I wasn't a lady I would have some very choice words for people like that!

So hey policy makers if you are looking for income I have a few suggestions.

1. Decriminalize pot - A projected 1.6 Billion in tax revenue. Not to mention if we let no violent offenders out of jail, pardon them and wipe the slate clean, we could save millions there. Plus we would have more people out of jail serving as farmers helping to stimulate our economy even more.

2. House the homeless - It costs 2 times as much to keep a person on the street. Police, Fire, Sanitation all work over time due to our lack of compassion. The argument that you would "not want one or several of them living by you or your bar (Marlene's)" makes no sense! I hear that people are afraid there will be excrement and needles in their bushes. Who poops on the street when they have a toilet? Would you shoot up in an alley if you had a home? These problems exist because we allow the dignity to be stripped from our fellow man and believe if we shared the wealth there would be less for us. ABSURD! Wake up there isn't any for you unless your an insurance executive and you steal it.

3. Charge Large Car Owners MORE! - More to cross the bridge more to park more for healthcare more for insurance more! we could call it the selfish and heartless tax. The I'm so selfish I have a giant car tax. The I do what I want and I don't care give me some McDonalds so I can throw the containers out the window later because I'm so ignorant tax. The Me Me Me tax. A tax for America.

4. Charge a fee for every menu and club promotional card that litters the street. Make it so people can collect these cards, turn them in and the clubs and restaurants can help the local ecology and community. These invites and menus are not recyclable because they are covered in plastic. This is left all over the sidewalk after a busy night, or in the case of menus wind and rain, and end up in our sewers and the bay and the ocean. We can help people, build community, and help the ecology in 1 foul swoop.

5. Property taxes on Commercial real estate must be raised and the state policy changed. There is a Prop 13 from 1978 that has stripped foreign investors of their responsibility to our community and they used little old ladies to do it. When you house or property is Assessed it is given a fair market value and you pay taxes based on that assessment. In Ca the property taxes were actually going up so fast that elderly did loose housing. Yet here is the down side. The Gate Residence Hotel has had the same owners, investors, who have owned the property since 1978. They pay 2% increase annually since 1978. The rate of inflation is usually 3.5 or higher. Cheep property taxes for prime down town location. The Hotel goes out of the business of being a residency hotel and many poor are out of housing that many have been in as long as the hotel has been around. Now the Hotel is owned by the same people but a new Leaser is found to open a Commercial Hotel, the Infusion Lounge, and a Chinese restaurant. All booming and doing very well. Still owned by the same people. Still only a 2% increase each year for a property assessed as a residence hotel. Get the picture. What do you think the Fairmont pays in property taxes as compared to a new home owner in the city? So why do young couples and singles and the poor not have an easy time staying here and yet foreign investment gets breaks for holding on to property?

6. Tax the Churches. Listen they are making policy, owning vast tracks of land, doing business from their offices, and paying to advertise their views on propositions. Tax them and start treating them like the lobbying groups that they are. The Christian Right and Mormon's have put their hand in deciding law and influencing votes on a national level, why not treat them like any other business. Unfair policies for bigots doesn't wash and neither do the laws that they pay for.

With all that said I would like to remind us that we can change these unjust laws and we can do it soon. The trick is to be responsible and take part and do it. Grass roots still works. Vote, read a paper, get involved and hold people accountable. Hold yourself accountable. That way we can have some other color that brown. We can have a government that works for us not special interest. Wouldn't it be better if we turned off the TV for a second, got off our cell phone, stopped texting on our blackberry and remembered we are part of a world that was happening right here and now? I mean look what's happened since we've been away.

Something Coming

The very best part of this Holiday is that I am seeing lots of people who I have not seen in some time. I have really been feeling the loss of Charlie Horse because the part that was absolutely the best was seeing the people I loved almost every week. The people of the city that inspired me came out and played and I got to play with them. This Holiday I miss that. Now is the time when we look back on the year and think about what it is that has happened to us and how we have changed. For many of us it was a galvanizing year and one that saw an end to the apathy and an awakening of our spirits. Until last year my drag had mostly been in the clubs; but with the passing of Prop 8 it is in the streets and it's angry and it's not giving up. I have taken what I learned in those bars and started to make it a reality every day. It's the people around me that help me remain free of the shame. It is the spirit of the Compton Riots and Harvey Milk that live in SF that reminds me that We have the power. It is the tranny magic that my sisters share with me, and it has set me free.

This year really owning my voice is a personal triumph. As I have discussed before my parents are ardent anti gay right wing christians. All my life they told me they loved me and that is why they were working so hard to try and understand and save me. They prayed for me. When I released myself from accepting their shame I blossomed. I had been working towards it all my life but this year I know it to be true. I think we as a community have cast off a lot of shame that we have had placed on us by years of conservative oppression and our own apathy. We feel our voices rising again.

I am not really speaking to the general we I am talking about the so called "rebels". The political organizations that I am often fortunate to work with or meet at protests are not doing enough. When I hear people say "we have been working on being a part of society for a hundred or so years and we must have patience", I want to pull my hair out! How can a lesbian woman talk about only 100 years when we have been around for EVER and we have only truly been oppressed as a cross cultural plague in the last 100 years! Has she never heard of Sappho? It is mind boggling to see how gay culture has been so oppressed that even our leaders are fooled by the lies and plead for understanding and patience as people get used to us. Really? Lets be patient while bigotry is voted on state by state and we are held helpless by the courts to "Find a way to get our rights". Is that really what we are being asked? You have got to be shi**ing me. Pardon my french. Besides lets make it real and admit its bigotry not marriage that is the issue. Bigotry is wrong not law! Lets get real!

It is this voice that I am hearing now. This voice that like mine can't quite figure out what the heck is up with this government. A governor who can't find funding for ADAP and hasn't paid a bunch of his own taxes ? It is the voice of the people who are starting to see what oppression by the governing states can be like when they hold our health care ransom so that they can continue to line their pockets on our money. The Health Care issue is the most infuriating issue ever. We the people know that rights should include healthcare and gays and poor people and marijuana users and well everybody. We know this to be the truth. Yet because of special interest and hollow promises by our leaders, we end up with something that is not even for the people any more. It is now to satisfy the "most people"; those most people are actually large corporations run by some of the most selfish self invested people on the face of the planet. War Poverty and Bigotry so that the rich are happy? They want us to be afraid of socialist ideas that may just save our country because they would loose billions. We already use socialist ideas like PUBLIC SCHOOLS! Not that that is a shinning example because for some reason we can't find money for them either. Our collective lives are being flushed down the toilet because of their greed. We also know this isn't right. Now we also know that this is something we can do something about.

I was reading that at the Climate talks in Copenhagen that the US and China hope to reduce emissions like 20% by 2050. Wow. I mean come on. What exactly are we supposed to say to that? "Sorry our country is to selfish to stand up and be counted but we may do something by 2050." No wonder other countries hate us. I think at this rate if we all live to 2050 it would be a miracle.

Or how about a president who was supposed to bring about change. The world believed him so much they gave him an award in his first year that many people who are proven great leaders never get. Yep a hero. A hero who steps up war and says it is just. I don't want to wage war. I don't want a war on drugs. I don't want a war on terror. War is TERROR. I want a government for the people and to stop all the lying and manipulating just to continue in the way we are going. What is so great with the way we are going? The direction must change and very soon. 2050, the thought is frightening! By then we could walk to Australia on all the plastic in the ocean. I think that we realize that this is wrong and our wasteful life style is killing us, giving us cancer, destroying the wildlife and so forth. I think we know that. So why are we fighting a war to gain control of oil and opium in Afghanistan? (Well I get the opium but the oil I'm at a complete loss). Shouldn't we be becoming independent and finding ways to use solar and wind more efficiently? Oh yeah right we are protecting big business interests. How silly of me.

The difference this year is we are starting to ask for accountability. We are seeing the direct correlation of our obsession with the Kardashian's and the fact that our government has been getting away with murder for too long. We are not wearing blinders any longer. Its out there and we are talking about it. Personally I can't believe that the voices of the people who are not tea baggers; nice name dip shits; are not taking over the streets. I remember the day before the war broke out and the city exploded. It just exploded. That day I saw how many people were angry about how things were going. I know that voice is out there and I think this past year we have started to hear it louder and louder. We must use this voice because that is how change is created. There needs to be support for this genesis. The year that we have lived has been; well less that stellar. There have been disappointments in droves; but the good news is we see it and we don't feel helpless any more. I am hopeful for the year ahead. I am plugging into my Ravonettes CD, casting off shame, and moving into 2010 determined as hell! Last year I had Charlie Horse stolen from me so this year its out of the bar into.......

Cannabis

This past night my eyes were opened by a group of people who spoke of charity and compassion and really meant it. I know they meant it because they were actually doing something about creating this compassion. It was different from the meet and greets that I had experience so fat in my 2 weeks on the campaign trail. Although the stunning revelation that the people with the least to loss and the most to gain has always been apparent in politics. Suffragist, people of color, gay and lesbians, immigrants all groups fighting to find a place in society where their voices can be heard. I thought I knew what these well scrubbed voices looked like but I am coming to find that I do not know what they look like and I had no idea who was really doing the work behind the machine.

Every meet and greet that I go to are the legions of unscrubbed, unhoused, unsung heros of the street that are placing their lives in the hands of the powers that be so they can advocate for their lives. It is not the beautiful perfect smiles of faces warmed in large homes or even the young in college that I see in these meetings. Sure there are some of those faces scattered amongst the crowds; but it the limbless and those without teeth or a place to live that are out there every day making the world a better place for you and I to be a part of. These people with nothing are finding within themselves the great compassion to put themselves last when they are the ones who suffer the most. Thank you Elise Conners for opening my eyes to the organization Compassion Behind Bars. Imagine the rehabilitation of repeat offenders if all our efforts were created and carried our with compassion instead of hate and fear and apathy for the men and women incarcerated in our institutions. I think the outcome would be different. I think we could have greater success returning these misunderstood people to society. I do not advocate giving everyone in jail cannabis but from someone who has recovered from having 11 t cells and being on the brink of death how medical cannabis help regain my appetite, eased my pain and anxiety, and gave me rest when there was no chance of these things before its use. It allowed me to stand the harsh regiment of antibiotics and pills by keeping my stomach at ease as I made my recovery. This was only 7 or 8 short years ago and look at me now. Healthy and vital.

At the Harvey Milk Cannabis Town Meeting I met a black woman who is shy and withdrawn to meet nut has created an entire program that takes medical cannabis to 10 non violent offenders behind bars in San Quentin. This heavy set woman with a number of disabilities herself battled the legal system time and time again to take these non violent offenders who could not eat or sleep due to the ravages of HIV medicinal cannabis so that their lives would be better. A woman who appears on the outside as frail and encumbered by her own hardships in life has found the passion and compassion to step up and speak out and make a change.

Last night at the Harvey Milk Cannabis Town Meeting the stories that Dr Mike Aldridge and his wife who talked about the connection between gat rights and cannabis rights. In 1972 the first bill was placed on the table stating " No person over the age of 18 should be arrested for growing, selling, or possessing marijuana." It was in 1972 that this law was put on a ballot measure. It lost 33 to 65 but it had gained a new and soon to be powerful mans attention. Harvey Milk took up the call for legalizing cannabis and was very close to putting it up for a vote with Mayor Moscone and other powerful SF politicians; in the forms of Prop W and Prop 215, when both men were shot and killed. Dianne Feinstein who became mayor after their deaths killed these initiatives and scrapped along with it many other forward thinking measures like need exchange and compassionate care. It some or all of those measures had passed I wonder now how many fewer people would have contracted HIV due to dirty needles, ability to eat on harsh medicine, and get the rest so needed when it was needed and in a natural holistic way.

The continued struggle to show people who suffer from chronic pain, HIV, and many many other debilitating diseases, is being led by AXIS of Love, Champs,Lynn's Compassionate Co-Op ( Started by Elmar Lynn and his partner who would die of HIV and Hep C complications but before they did started compassionately sharing their home grown medicine with members of their hospice helping us all to realize the benefit of medicinal cannabis),WAMM, MediCann, and many other such organizations is beautiful to see. Its not about getting high and recreational use, instead about compassion for those who suffer.

For many in this day of politics toady the bottom line is what is most important. The figures of CA State deficit are looking at over 10 Billion in shortages. These shortages could cause more people to go homeless as jobs become more scarce and the price of housing continues to rise. More and more people with HIV and other catastrophic health concerns will go without medicine and proper care. Hospitals will be forced to close and may not have access to medicines for the people in their care. The middle class will be whipped out and forced to scrounge to keep their families a float. In San Francisco and Oakland through tireless courage and compassion regulated marijuana has created hope and revenue. AB390 will regulate its sale state wide. This is needed because there are places like LA and San Diego that without regulations create grey areas that undermine the work of advocates and growers across the country. Tom Ammiano has been championing this cause and here in SF we are seeing that regulation can and does work.

This bill, AB390 is coming up for a vote and two women in the bay area have the power to help it pass. Please contact the offices of Fiona Ma and Nancy Skinner to help get AB390 through the State Assembly . This bill will regulate the sale, growth and possession of marijuana in the state of California. Also this bill is thought to raise at least 1.3 billion dollars for the state coffers. Where is the state going to find some of its money to balance the budget from some of the most compassionate people on the planet, marijuana growers, distributers and the doctors who believe in its medicinal use. Cannabis can save lives, ease pain and create revenue for our already troubled state. Pot may very well be the miracle needed to save more lives than just its users.

My first week on the trail

Well during my first week of throwing my boa into the political ring I have watched as NY has made gay marriage illegal like just about every other state. The fact that bigotry is up for a vote and winning is disgraceful and makes me ashamed of My country. The fact that a Nobel Peace Prize winner hasn't stepped up his game and taken this bigotry to task on a NATIONAL level and granted human rights to everyone is beyond abhorrent. Hollow speeches and promises without dates for a solution will not wash with me any longer. At a Christmas party recently I was told by a young straight man how gay rights are inevitable and that with patience I will see that day come. People argue that it will happen if I just relax and wait.

I am 42 years old and the gay rights movement started in 1968 with the Compton Riots in the Tenderloin. All my life I have been told just wait it will happen. Well It isn't just going to happen in fact just the opposite. In California and New York two of the most liberal states in the US Gay people are not given full rights just like their counter parts in the straight world. Exactly how am I supposed to see this as a step towards equal rights? From what I can tell there is no real movement to gaining equality just hollow promises from people in charge while we are facing even greater threats of violence and bigotry than any other minority, except maybe the poor. Besides that gay people have been around since there were people and we have a rich history that goes without notice due to this bigotry. I heard someone with Marriage Equality say that our movement has only been around for 100 years or so. Has she never heard of Sappho? How about Oscar Wilde? Our people have been around as long as the straight people and we were considered great thinkers and leaders not pariahs and it is time to reclaim these beliefs as our own! To believe that we are a new people with a new voice is wrong! We have been here and queer since the dawn of time. There is no "new" to our history and to limit it to the last 100 years does a great disservice to the people who lived freely as gay people and made the world beautiful by doing so. The real significance of the last 100 years is that we have been brutalized without laws to protect us and bigotry has had a place in this and other lands with no recourse to stop it. We have been ghettoized and killed as if being gay makes us less human and that is just not the case. We are not new but the ability to try and destroy us legally is.

I have also been told that no one is really going to take me seriously as a drag queen. I have always said I am not here discuss my outfits but to get things done. Why can't my strongest voice come from a place in me that feels more comfortable in a dress? Why is it so strange that through my becoming comfortable with my gender variance and the power it feeds me that I have found the voice that makes me want to make a difference. Can someone in a dress not want to repeal property tax on commercial real estate set at 2% in 1978 with the passing of Prop 13. Why does wearing make up make me incapable of understanding that we need just cause to be extended to all buildings in SF? How does this make me less of a fighter for people who are forced to live on the street because the rich and mighty feel that it would cost too much to actually restore their dignity? Guess what it doesn't! The fact that I can stand up to the ridicule and bigotry and move forward and face the public as who I am makes me a strong viable leader in my eyes. I'm doing this to make a difference not to discuss my chosen style of dress and presentation.

Drag is where I found my voice. It is through the gay and lesbian, transgendered communities in SF and NY that I stopped abusing myself at the request of others and became who I am today.... A strong gender variant person on a mission to right injustice. I feel that if I was to turn away from this voice then I would be like many other leaders willing to compromise my integrity instead of standing proud and moving forward. It is an injustice to believe that I am any less capable to lead because of how I dress and how I celebrate my person than any other person on this planet. I have never seen myself as less but instead found myself proving time and time again with the aid of a understanding community that I am a success and fighting for what is rightfully ours. Equality. Not just for gays and lesbians but for all peoples. At a meeting of the Harvey Milk club someone said "Oh your the drag Queen." Let me say this. Thats right Mr and don't you forget it!

Why Supervisor?

Why Supervisor? Well because I believe I can do that job and find creative and exciting ways to raise revenue so that the people who are struggling to live in San Francisco can have an easier time at it. District 6 is where I have lived my entire Fourteen year stay in San Francisco. From the Hayes Valley to the Tenderloin and South Of Market to Nob Hill I have lived in them all. This is the heart of the city with the richest and the poorest all thrown together. It is an awesome responsibility to think that my voice might be chosen to represent this group of San Francisco environs. This neighborhood is where I found my voice and became the activist and leader that I have become. This neighborhood is where I learned to use this voice to stand up to injustice on a public level. Like the Ladies at the Compton Cafeteria I can no longer be silenced and I will not be still and I am using my voice to the best of my ability. I hope that my voice in some way echos my foresisters and starts to create change in the way our government treats the least and the greatest of these.

I have one idea that uses three of my favorite issues and could generate income. One saturday my partner Brett and I walked through SOMA and realized that this neighborhood is literally covered in glossy night club flies that are not recyclable due to lamination. These fliers are left to end up in the bay polluting our water, the ocean, and contributing to the already global disaster of our seas being filled with plastic particles. I say charge the club who is not responsible enough to clean up after an event one dollar per flier left on the side walk with in a 2 block radius. Put that money directly into solving the homeless issues that are becoming more and more pressing as this recession lingers on.

Ok so who is going to clean this up? Well I say we partner with an organization like the Community Housing Partnership who works with restoring dignity to the homeless through housing and work programs. They are used by many street fairs to supply workers and do a fantastic job every time. Also the reason I mention the Community Housing Partnership is that they have a 98% success rate in keeping people off the streets. From what I can tell its because they give the person their dignity by making them responsible in their own lives and offering a future. This is a way for everyone to win. Its simple. It 1. cleans the streets 2. helps the environment both locally and globally 3. provides jobs and revenue, 4. is a PRO ACTIVE solution, 5. It forces people creating litter to own up to it and be accountable. Also I have run a successful club and never once had to use glossy paper fliers and never had enough made even to cover an entire 2 block radius. It is waste on so many levels that this is a no brainer as far as revenue and environmental impact. This is not a punishment but a solution.

That is just one idea that at this time I can share.There are sure to be issues that need to be worked out with any plan but new and better solutions must be found and implemented so that everyone can live in this city. There are many many issues such as education, homeless, environmental, gentrification, traffic, and so on that can have a solution that generates new revenue and solves a problem at the same time and it can be very easy. I believe that I am a motivator and a very dedicated person who has ideas, a voice, and the desire to bring about this change and return government to its task of serving the people.

I am currently putting together a team to give this run the power and support I will need. The real campaigning starts this spring now is fundraising time. Deeanna Leitner and Jason Smart have signed on as Treasurer and Co Treasurer. I have asked two people to come on board as Campaigne Manager and co-Campaigne Manager. I am very serious about this and believe that I can win and do a good job with the position.

These are the reasons I have filed to run for Supervisor of District 6. The passion comes from not being able to sit back and watch what is happening to my peers across the land. Gay and Lesbian legislature based on bigotry and fear made law, our waste piling up so high that we are now in a state of emergency, money and help being denied AIDS patients who will die without this help. This is not what our government was meant to do. It was meant to work for the people and with the people not corporations and special interests. I am running because it is time for us to start making the change that we so desperately need. I want to be given the chance to start creating this change because I believe we can do it.

Anna Conda

Thanks and now....

You know I want to thanks everyone. It was totally fun. The Cinch asked me to take a break for a few weeks and I have made the decision to just end it. The break was a result of the condos next door complaining about the noise. It is a bit more homophobic than that. The Polk no longer welcomes gay businesses and the Polk Street Merchants Association has even taken action against leasing to gay businesses. A perfect example is the Deco lounge being black balled and the continued pressure to end the gay presence in the Polk so that the Marina and all its clean falsehood can expand. It is gentrification and bigotry. It has been an entire year of facing this as a gay culture. In fact our last show was almost a year after Prop 8 passed and we did our Yeah Yeah Yeah's tribute.

I love Charlie Horse for its angry punk voice and fighting spirit. I loved it because it gave Marcy and Anna and Dam and Dean and Mutha and Juanita and anyone who wanted to be a part a home. The jokes became the story and the story fucking kicked ass! I love that we never played Madonna except when I performed her breaking our only rule... No Madonna thus giving Juanita and Turleen free rage to abuse us with her again. I love that Kiddie has no memory of her six month run as co host because she was blacked out downstairs by 11. I love that the Cinch was the hottest ticket in town because it is a fuckin awesome bar. I loved the bar staff who made the night work and gave us a home. I love the DJ's for making me dance and want to be somewhere. The "talent" that made us laugh till we cried and let us have fun without questioning it. I loved the Taco's pop corn, STRONG drinks. The shows. The girls. The Guys. The audience, you guys were AWESOME and I love you for all that you have given me.

A home. Unconditional love. Faith. Strength. A voice. Acceptance. Patience. A swift kick in the butt. A way to repay and give back for all that drag has given me. Since Boy Bar I was looking for a way to give back and I feel like I have. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. It has meant the world.

Im sad. Let's face it terribly sad. I am going to miss the shit out of this night. It has meant so much. I just don't want to dwell on my tears.

Charlie Horse has gotten me past wanting to wallow in my tears. I want to move on. I want to create and I don't want the hassles that a weekly on the Polk was bringing. I want to fight a bigger fight. I want to create change and this party made me believe that we can make that change. Plus I have Herr-A-Chick to get dressed like a lady and get drunk and fall down.( As a cougar it is harder on the body than it used to be.) Today in Sf there is so much going on in the city from Tiara Sensation to Ducal Court events and I want to be a part of that again. Plus I am a married lady and I am sure he could use a little more attention and less ego from me.

Yes its sad but its hopeful. Conservatism is not going to win and I am going to devote all the hours that I put into CH and make sure that this city and country start taking notice of the ways that they are bullying us. We need to mobilize in a greater force and I hope to spend the new freedom making that happen. I will see you in the streets and in the bars and maybe even on the Board one day. Wherever it is it's going to be because of the strength you people shared with me. Charlie Horse was magic. It was DIY till the end. It was inspirational. To be a part with you all has been the best and most fun I have ever had.

Special thanks to Bob and Robbie and Miss Lucy Borden. Special special to Lucy! Thanks sister. Thanks to the bar staff new and past that helped so much. I love you like you were family and thats why I treated you that way.

Charlie Horse RIP 2004-2009

Besos AC

YBCA Soap box

What is wrong with Gays today? We are a bunch of apathetic has beens who are letting state legislation be passed around this country removing rights, that we had already been granted, and we are doing next to NOTHING to stop it. I can not believe this is the same group of people who taught me to fight and never give up. That these are the people who told me that AIDS was what I made it, and my 20 years with the disease have proven that they were right. I did not get sad and withdrawn and just give over to this disease, this countries bigotry, my parents brow beating, just to be placed at the mercy of bigots telling me how I can change to fit their ideas of who I am or who gay people should be. I learned to fight for what it was I needed, we wanted, and against authority that is oppressive. Yet where are my people now? It is exactly this apathy that lets gay men and women be handed shame by society, that is not ours, and accept it. We have let ourselves be told what it is that will grant us our acceptance and we have started to change accordingly and we are loosing ourselves in the process. We have added letter after letter to our cause and created the innocuous label of LGBTQQIP instead of understanding who we are and what it is we offer.

Our shame is in listening to the society that is oppressing us instead of being true to the people we are and are meant to be. Our legacy is that of proud people who have made a difference through out history by spreading beauty, tolerance, magic and being shaman for a better world. There is no shame in who we are and never has been. It is our duty to stop believing this lie. This shame has poisoned us into a fearful state of surrender where we have lost our dignity and have masked it with ghettoization and lack of commitment. We have taken ourselves out of the battle and claimed that by rolling over and giving in we will just be handed rights. Gay people are foolish to believe that they are just going to get rights. There is no reason to believe that magically our rights will be guaranteed. In fact Main has just joined our great state in removing rights for gay people making us illegal in almost all 50 states. During our lives we have moved backwards into a more closeted and fearful existence. We are isolated from the world out side our ghettos and have completetly lost our voice because we want people to like us.

Instead of taking to the streets to declare who we are we have tried to pander to traditional "straight society" and made their beliefs our own. By choosing to try and include everyone; ie lgbqqip; we have missed the mark of what our battle is about. It is about us as a gay people deserving to be equal to others because we are PEOPLE. In this world to not stand up to bigotry has lead to terrible consequences and we must be vigilant that we are not next. With out making a noise that can not be ignored we are allowing ourselves to be herded like sheep and forced to change our "evil ways" or suffer. We have been hunted like animals and killed. We are taunted even in heavily gay areas and cities and the police are raiding our bars forcing us to act as people who deserve to be treated this way. We are arrested for showing affection. We live in fear because of who we are and because bigotry has not been questioned by us. If this has not gotten us into the streets on mass what will? Are we to remain silent until the doors of the oven have closed and we have no choice but to scream?

Our apathy is killing us. It is letting our culture go unnoticed and uncelebrated. The stories of great leaders remain a dim past that most of us don't know. Stories like We Wah the gay Native American who lead the largest of the Western tribes in the US for over 40 years. He was taken to Washington DC in the 1800's and presented as an Indian Princess even though he was over 6 feet tall and looked nothing like a woman. He worked with other gay Native Americans to stop the white mans tyranny and oppression of his people. Or Sappho the lesbian poet of Greece who held international fame and power. Quan Yin the father of Toaist thought and modern Chinese poetry. The story of how Oscar Wild decided to stay in England and be imprisoned instead of leaving England and saving himself. Or Harvey Milk who as an average person with the belief that he could make a difference and did. These are the stories that have led us to the point where we must now take up their voices and make them our own instead of listening to people who know nothing about us.

It is time to stand up for what we deserve and stop our apathy before it is too late. I am not advocating violence but I am suggesting we start stepping out of line. We as a people have every reason to be angry. We are made third class citizens and if it were to happen to any other minority they would not be silenced. They would not let fear and false shame keep them from getting the rights that we, like they, deserve. We must not be silenced and instead should clarify our voice and use it as loudly as possible. Our marches should not be shepereded by the police into areas most convenient to the city because what has been taken from us as a people is not convenient. Our anger is justified and if we don't start using our anger in a helpful way then it is going to fester away at us taking even more power from our hands. Shame and fear has made us into a people who are willingly letting ourselves be oppressed and we must say enough!

There is no reason that I should be here speaking instead of you. My voice is not so different than many of you. The reason I am here is because I have chosen not to take it any more and because we do not deserve this treatment and should not let people tell us that we do. One day I turned the corner and decided to commit myself and stop being selfish. I do not do this kind of work for me but for us. At five this morning I woke up knowing that what I had planned on giving you in my speech was a compromise and I was not happy with it and that I must work harder to clarify my voice so that I could share it with you. This voice is what I have come to listen to. Putting myself out and loud into the public arena is not easy. I doubt myself and come face to face with my own fear. However I believe that if we don't start using our voice it will be to late, not for me but for us. I have gained so much strength from my gay and lesbian peers that it is a selfish act for me not to stand up and be counted. It is truly a sin to not vocalize against the lies and slander that my people endure. It is our responsibility to be noticed, to be out, to be queer and to make a noise that can not be ignored. We as a people and a culture should not be willing to let apathy and fear get in our way. If we do not stand up together then we deserve what we get and are getting. We must rise as a queer nation and tell the world we are not going to take it any longer. It is not about turning a blind eye and hoping it will get better. It is about taking a stand because we know it should be better and casting off our shame and being who we are. There is no room for apathy and shame in our fight and we must join together to remove it. We must take to the streets and be visible. Not just on major events but whenever we feel like it. We must effect change in our every day lives and we must do it together and we must do it now. We can not wait because every second we wait another fag or dyke is kicked in the face because it is ok to do that to a "fuckin fag". Well its not alright and only our shame and apathy stand between us and the day when that stops happening.