Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Gay Responsibility

You wake up and the week is different from the week before. Not a lot different just something uneasy in the air. The chill and ache have crept back into my head and filled me with a real sense of dread. Every so often I realize that by taking steps into the world I am having to deal with things I would never have expected. As I ask more of myself I learn that I am asking more of others as well and not everyone wants that. I am unsure that I want that really. I was perfectly happy...
See there lies the kicker. I am following my dreams and aspirations and for the first time in my life do I feel settled and secure. I am able to show up not only for myself but am learning how to show up for others. I have no use for my old ways of taking advantage and lying aand cheating. They just stopped working or I got wise to myself. It is hard to believe that anyone ever put up with my shit. However I know people who are for some reason unable to give up the ghosts. I am also facing the fear that if I grow up that I will die. It sounds compleatetly stupid I know. Everyone dies and after an exhausting week it could seem almost like a release; however the fear that my use and purpose will go away once I am not shiny and new is quite real to me. Not only that but the idea that if I accomplish what I am supposed to do I will die sooner.
The fact remains that is fear and that fear can be my undoing if I let it. I give those fears space in my head I get trapped like a heifer to the slaughter. When I decide to take the easy way out my life becomes useless and pointless. I become unaware and fogged in by my own ill perception and lazyness. I end up boxxed in by my desires and loss my desires to be a part of life's mission statement. I start doing as little as possible and get as much reward as possible.
This is a sickness that has rooted itself into the very soul of our existance. Consumption is blown out of all proportions. Like the lips on a hollywood starlet our societal dreams of wealth and glory and nothing but hot air. And still we go on producing future generations of children to deal with it. To deal with the fact there is hardly any water left. To deal with the fact that the refuse in the ocean is of greater mass than most continents. To deal with the fact that we have fucked up selfishly and have no want to deal with the mess we have created. Yet we blame everyone but ourselves and ignore what we know to be lies hoping they will just go away on their own. Not bloody likely!
Instead we complain about the Arab nations, the fags, the president, the state of everything when WE are the ones responsible for all these problems. What use is it to have a giant car that runs on petrol and then say I don't support the war? What use to sit around gobbing down food loaded with chemicals and then say that McDonalds is making your family fat and you should try fat free potato chips and diet soda? Another thing about these and other corporations who do NOT take any of the responsibility for what they have done; not only to us but to the environment and the worlds health in general; and choose to deny that we deserve health care from their chemical abuse. How much have they had to pay for that privilege? How much dirty money exchanges hands across tables that no one "really" knows about. How much money was payed for your health and safety? How much do people think your worth is? Yet if we ignore it it is going to go away? No? It's only going to continue and get worse! Why are we acting like nothing is really wrong? Why are the people just accepting this?
For that matter let me say again to the gays of the world. YOU are being made SECOND and THIRD class citizens and it is OUR fault for letting it happen. Now WE must go and DEMAND that the pretense of.... its ok to treat us badly because that is what we deserve.... be removed from our lives! We as a people, as a world as a society deserve better. These fear mongers should not be bargaining with our lives. These corporations should not be getting a drop of government money until they clean up their practices. These people, us people, its time to take responsibility.
Just because someone ignores the fact that they have stolen money doesn't mean that they haven't. They have but we are so stupid we forget. Just because someone harms someone else and decides to take societies way out and ignore the situation does not make the situation not exist. These problems just sit and boil and become a sickness. A cure and a caring and humane effort is what is needed to clean up messes left by us. It is our responsibility and our duty to change what is wrong. To lead. To take our learnings and move forward. We must take the steps to make a better world. We must take this time to open our eyes, get out of our cars, stop being so fucking selfish and do something.
I have come to realize that it is when I do nothing and stave off personal achievement that I die. I die little deaths until there is no time left. I will have left the world and done nothing but gripe and complain and consume. That to me if a fate worse than death. That is a fate that I could stop just by trying and yet I would have let it all slip away due to fear. We must do something. There is no need for us to turn the other way. It may not be as easy to face the mornings after a struggle but that morning gives way to the day full of light and possibility. It is that very possibility that makes the next day worth while. It is the coming through with eyes wide open and heart pounding that make the promise of tomorrow better than today. Otherwise every thing doesn't stay the same it bogs on in a grim reality that is set up so that no one wins. Not even the guys on top., and certainly not us. The sad thing is we are the ones responsible and we would rather be greedy that battle on for truth and justice. We would rather consume than care. We are killing ourselves and are too fucking lazy to really give a shit. That is the saddest part of the whole thing. We just don't seem to give a shit. That is a hard thing to battle and rage against because we are all so ingrained in that moment, but without claiming our responsibility we never take that first step forward leading to our success. I just know we can succeed. I just know that when it gets hard we can conquer. I also know that the gays are the ones to lead the way.
We as a people have survived the Holocaust, Aids, beating, lynchings, and oppression in a land based on freedom. We are the team to beat! All that the world has thrown at us and we have conqured and thrived and moved on. It is time that we as a people start making these problems ours. We are able to move mountains, change hearts, and win over the greatest of oppression. It is time we take the helm and lead to a better tomorrow for everyone. Make our fight theirs and theirs ours. We must take the mantle of the leaders that we are. We must stop abusing ourselves and letting others hand us shame. We must get out of our bars, ghettos, cars, condos and take to the streets. We must take to the streets for all humanities sake. It is time to take back our rightful place as leaders and spiritual mentors and save the world we are living in and creating. Our time has come and we must rise to the occasion and take the lead. We have taken worse situations like this and turned them around so that is why we must do it again.
Don't worry if they like us. Don't care about the bigots. They are wrong and they need us just as much as everyone else. We can save them from their plight as well. they are the ones who need saving. they are the ones who need to awake. It is our duty to show them how. How to change and be a positive force in the world. It is our calling and it is time to answer.

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